


What do you want?

by viflow



Series: Lost on you [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x01 coda, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Dean Winchester, M/M, POV Castiel (Supernatural), POV Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 10:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21073148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viflow/pseuds/viflow
Summary: Sam didn’t dare to look at his brother, because he knew all the shit, he’d find there. He was familiar with it too. He’s been there before too, when people tried to hit on Cas... But when his eyes flickered down and to the right, and caught sight of the white knuckled grip of Dean’s fingers at the edge of their table,  it still took him by surprise.





	What do you want?

Sam knew his brother. The same way you knew the lines in your palms: the crick-crocks, the deepness of it, but every time you play close attention to it, you find something new, something mesmerizing. Like Sam was doing now by watching his brother’s face, the transgression it went through in the mere seconds Dean needed to get out of baby to reach and cement himself before Cas.

Sam could actually observe it all with a pinch of awe, as Dean’s face transformed from: worried, anguished mixed with a hefty dose of longing and guilt, into a years long perfected coolness, harshness and indifference, by the time he faced Cas.

“You okay?’’ Dean asked. The cold, gruffy mask perfectly on it’s place.

Though stiff shouldered and resentment settling over him like a second trench coat, as always weak and helpless to resist Dean, Cas was just about to answer. ‘’Yes. But--’’

‘’Good.’’ Dean cut Cas off, too harsh, too careless, too loud.

Sam loved his brother. He really did. But it took him everything what’s left of his already scattered energy not to go there and punch Dean in his face for the bone deep, wretched pain, the tell tailed quivering lips: he’d caught on Cas’ face.

And though, it didn't escape Sam's attention how Dean left Cas out of team free will – and though, it was crowded on the tip of his tongue to add Cas’ name- but knowing nobody in this Earth could be as stubborn and hold his grudge as long as his brother, in the end Sam only said to Dean’s statement of, ‘’So, you and me versus every soul in Hell? I like those odds.’’

‘’Yeah, me too."

He even managed a soft chuckle that coupled with a hard determination to find a way to patch up this irreversible ditch between his brother and his best, angelic friend.

‘’So, what’s up with those two?’’ Belphegor asked with an inquiring brow, gesturing after Cas' and Dean's back as they entered the dinner place they stopped at along the highway.

Sam just really wouldn't, couldn't go there now... How from the second Jack’s body moved but came clear it wasn’t him, he’s been trying to push down the sizzingly hot guilt and wretched pain that was burning through every part of him. Horrible and hot.

‘’He swallowed hard. ’’Nothing. It’s nothing.’’ He cracked.

‘’Oh come on man. It’s a fucking LEGEND. The angel: Castiel, who fell for the Winchester brothers, and maybe did a bit more then fell with the older." Belphegor said, head jerking towards Dean and Cas with a shrewd expression on his face.

Shaking his head, Sam’d to clear his throat, so that the words’d come out as something more than nausea twisted his guts. "Shut up," he blurted out. He clenching his jaw and rubbed a hand over his face. "We're not talking about this."

"Why not?"

Taking a deep breath against the sudden urge to actually, really, fucking puke, "Because--’’ Sam threw Belphegor a furious look. ‘’You … you just better shut your mouth.’’ He managed to ground out through the thrumming, sickly flood of heat that was dangerously crowding up his throat.

For a long second Belfegor smiled enigmatically. “Oh. I See.” Was all he said with a nonchalant shrug, flicking a dried speck of mud from the sleeve of Jack’s coat.

When they got inside the dinner, Sam saw and felt the tension that was cutting through the air like a sharpened blade, between Cas and his brother.

Oh, for fuck sake, Sam thought, as a cold stone of familiarity wedged itself inside his throat. He’s seen this before. He’s been there before, watching all this shit, play out.

“I wish you wouldn’t speak to me just now,” Cas was saying to Dean curtly.

“Cas,” Dean said his name so blandly that it could almost not have been a reproof, except the tight clenching of his jaw.

Looking between them, Sam frowned. “Guys?!”

He saw Cas making an effort to be calm and gentleman like. “Well, I’ve just informed your brother,” Cas said quietly, not even sparring a glance to Dean, “that since I’m already dead to him, it will do very well if we don’t pretend to have any kind of interest towards each other’s welfare, and cut down our interaction strictly to the level of discussing a solution to the recent problem.”

When Sam sent a questioning brow towards his brother, Dean gave him a small, nonchalant shrug and a wide, defective, ironic grin, but along the clear sign of anger and irritation, Sam’d detect something close to fear and panic in those hard green of fields.

“As you wish, Cas.” Dean said, smothering Cas with a quick, wide and entirely false grin.

“I really appreciate it Dean,” Cas said in that calm way of his, flashing Dean one tense quirk of his lips.

Belphegor was clearing his throat with a suspiciously quivering mouth and a little pucker between his brows, but at Sam’s chiding glare, “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starving!’’ he exclaimed.

Their waitress arrived then with a tired, bland face, sharpened to perfect politeness by years of practice,. ‘’What can I get you guys?’’ She asked with a tight, professional smile, scrabbling down their orders nonchalantly without paying attention to any of them… That's is… Until Cas cleared his throat and started to place his order.

Sam’s had more than a decade to get used to Cas’ rough, whisky grounded voice, just as well he’d had the unfortunate opportunity to observe his brother's controversial, flushing reaction to said sound. So he really hasn’t been paying any kind of special attention to it now. Or since… Since well, not really...ever.

But the way the waitress’ head jerked toward Cas, in Sam’s view, chancing a pretty big risk of a whiplash, Sam couldn’t help it but being a little bit intrigued.

Her eyes went wide and locked with Cas' ridiculously blue- blues. She swallowed, cleared her throat and asked in a slightly husky voice. ‘’Excuse me, what was your order?’’

“I’d like a cheese burger with fries. Thank you.” Oblivious as always, Cas placed his order flatly again.

Shaking her head like coming out of a daze, ‘’Yes, yes of course.’’ The waitress murmured to Cas before hassling away to get their orders.

Sam didn’t dare to look at his brother, because he knew all the shit, he’d find there. He was familiar with it too. He’s been there before too, when people tried to hit on Cas… But when his eyes flickered down and to the right, and caught sight of the white knuckled grip of Dean’s fingers at the edge of their table, it still took him by surprise.

When his eyes snapped to Belpfegor, “I didn’t say anything,” The demon said with an innocent face and his hands, Jack’s hands, turned guilelessly palm-faced on their table’s surface.

"Right.”

“Of course, if I were going to say something..." Perking up, Belpfagor began, sharing a quick, amused glance between Dean, Cas and the waitress, ‘’As of course, I won’t!” he hastily added at the warning look Sam flashed at him.

‘’Good choice.” Sam commented with a tight smile, his eyes darting toward his brother.

“Alright, alright, got it,” Belphegor said with a resignated sigh. "It's bloody true though, you, Winchesters, are no fun at all." He grumbled with a petulant frown.

When their orders arrived they ate in tense silence and after Dean finished his, not even paying attention, unconsciously, born from years of habit, Cas pushed his order towards Dean. Everything was-- almost-- normal, well as normal as it could be in regard of recent events. Right up until they paid their check and the waitress slipped Cas a slip of paper.

“Please excuse me,” Standing up, Cas smiled at Sam while blatantly ignored Belphegor and Dean. “I have something to speak with this lady about.’’ He said, indicating with his head towards their waitress, who after a quick glance at Cas, disappeared through the staff door leading to the diner’s back.

He turned to walk away then, but in a blink of an eye, like a vicious snake, jumping out from his seat, hand shooting out, Dean grabbed Cas’ upper arm, halting him in his track.

  
“What the fuck, Cas?” Dean asked, his eyes spitting out dangerous, lethal flames. ’’We have to be on our way. We don’t have time for this shit.” He said, at once oddly pleading and threatening.

Cas turned his head to face Dean. Although there was no smile on his face—no expression at all, in fact—there was a trace of bitter amusement there. ‘’I won’t be long. I meet you at the car.’’

Sam sighed and rubbed his neck at the tightening of Dean’s jaw, the clear sign of Dean’s anger reaching a dangerous level. He closed his eyes and swallowed, awaiting the storm.

He didn’t have to wait long. It was but two seconds when his eyes snapped open and his head jerked up at the sound of a sharp, loud rap of Dean’s knuckles against the surface of their table. He winced in sympathy when his eyes took in the way the fingers of Dean’s other hand curled in a vice grip, that must've been bruising, around Cas’ bicep now. Dean’s nostrils flared, his breath was coming hard with his fury.

“The Hell, are you going anywhere.” Dean shouted, but at the sound of Belphegor’s warning cough, he cast a glance around the dinner, then leaned closer to Cas, close enough to hiss in Cas’ ears, while his mouth twisted in an almost snarl. ‘’Oh, believe me, if anybody than I, understand the need for a quicky. But hard as it might be, for now, you should keep your cock in your fucking pants.’’

There was a hint of real anger now over the amusement in the tight smile that curled the edges of Cas’ lips. ‘’You’d know that Dean, don’t you? After all, there might be only but a few in this state, who’d acquired more experience with _quickys_ than you?’’ Cas retorted back. Then he tilted his head and whispered against the side of Dean’s cheek. ‘’Over the years since we’ve known eachother, I’ve supposed I’ve got to know every streak-- the good, the bad, even the hidden ones-- of your character. But I’ve never took you for a hypocrite, Dean."

A low blow, but bloody deserved, Sam thought, biting his lip to keep from grinning widely, as something like pride brimmed through his chest for Cas that- at bloody last- he stood up against Dean for himself.

After effortlessly tugging his arm free of Dean’s grip, Cas stepped back, putting two feet of clear space between them, and smiling thinly, he curled a cool, challenging brow at Dean.

But beneath the obvious pissed off look, Sam could see the soul deep sadness, grief and heartache in Cas’ ridiculously blue, liquid gaze. He could see the strain of effort it took Cas to keep his head up and stay cool and nonchalant in the face of Dean’s wrath. The hollowness, written all over in the lines on Cas' face.

He felt a sudden rush of love, affection and a stab of angst of his own at Cas' wrecked unhappiness. But he knew he wasn't the one who could fix it. And his own heart ached and broke a little more for those two love stricken idiots; of his brother and best friend.

For a long moment, nor Dean or Cas said anything. Dean’s breath was coming hard, his mouth set in a stubborn line with that typical belligerent set to his jaw, just when he was about to demand something ridiculous or something impossible. But his eyes were wide with almost comical astonishment as he was staring at Cas.

“Did you—” Dean began. “That is… What did you say?”

For a second Cas glanced away, then he looked back at Dean, eyes locked in their famous glaring match, a wordless battle of invincible wills. “You heard me.” Cas gritted out after a long-long pause, his voice only slightly shaking around the edges.

‘’What the fuck, Cas?’’ Dean asked, and when Sam’s eyes flicked to his brother, he encountered an expression he rarely saw on Dean’s face: Uncertainty and vulnerability.

Cas compressed his lips tightly, “If you’ll excuse me,” he said, eyes darting toward Sam, once more ignoring Dean and Belfagor, “I really must be going.”

And with that, he turned and walked quickly away.

Now, just like he said before, after a decade of suffering through of all the UST between these two idiots, after having been in the middle of all their bickerings, giving eachother cold shoulder for days, and all the other crap of their non relationship-relationship issues; Sam wouldn't say he was surprised when Dean shot after Cas like a bullet and grabbed him by his arm again... Then he literally jerked Cas through the dinner and out, toward the parking lot.

‘’Kids these days,’’ Belfagor shook his head with a theatrical sigh, but at Sam’s glare, he made a zipping notion over his mouth, then along with Sam turned his attention toward the parking lot. Because… Because … Just.

....................................

“Fine. What do you want, Dean?” Furious, Cas strode toward Baby. And Dean, his hand still clamped over Cas' arm, was forced to almost jog to keep up with him.

“Did you really mean it?” Dean asked tightly.

‘’What?’’

Dean gulped, loud. ‘’What you said about me… And did you really-- I'm mean-- You know... wanted to--uhmm-- with her?’’

“It’s none of your business,” Cas bit out.

“I beg to differ,” Dean shot back. “The fuck, you aren’t my business.”

“What?!”

Suddenly the hand gripping Cas’ arm was pushing, pushing him towards Baby’s side door. Taken by surprise, Cas stepped backwards, his feet tripping a little as Dean pressed him farther till his back and hips hit the glass of the door.

“You’ve made you my business,” Dean muttered, bracing his hands on baby's roof at either side of Cas’ head, looking down into Cas’ upturned face.

“Why? You’ve just told me, you don’t care.” Cas asked, annoyed at himself, because at the look on Dean's face, his inner reserve of ire - deep as it was - just was running dry with an alarming speed.

Dean’s eyes glittered with equal measures of sadness, anger and longing. “I wish I knew,” he whispered with a long, deep sigh, and it was such a surprising response that Cas just really couldn’t think of what to say.

An odd silence bloomed between them, thick with unsaid words, suppressed emotions and tension; built around their gone for far too long unaddressed, sexual arousal.

"Oh, dam you, Cas." Dean grumbled, pushing himself closer till his hip was pressing into Cas’. And when he shifted his hips just so, Cas'd feel just how real and hard and hot Dean's arousal was as it was nudging against Cas' own, rapidly hardening cock.

He hissed in a shaky breath, all too aware of his heart tripping in his chest, of the heat invading his face and flaring down between his legs.

Dean’d completely surrounded him. His breath gusted against Cas’ cheek. His scent invaded Cas’ senses, breaching his carefully constructed walls of resentment. Dean's shattered, but still beautiful soul and strong, physical domination, simply took Cas' breath away. And as much as he resented it, it made Cas hard and desperate, and as always, unable to resist the pull of Dean’s maddening orbit.

Lust, desire, passion doesn’t make you forget all the reasons you shouldn’t do something. It just makes you not care. It makes you not care, even knowing you might going to regret your actions later. And so it was that when Dean leaned in a fraction of an inch closer and brushed Cas’ lips with his own, Cas did nothing to stop him. And when Dean took hold of Cas’ face between his surprisingly gentle hands and slid his tongue into Cas’ mouth in a devouring kiss, Cas groaned and gripped the lapels of Dean’s jacket for dear life, and recopricated in kind.

It was a long, staggeringly deep, possessive kiss, and when Dean at last drew back, Cas couldn’t speak, just stared up, shocked, dazed, at that impossible, controversial, stubborn, beautiful man.

Breathless, Dean stared back with a darkened, slightly hazed gaze, then he smiled crookedly in that way that always made Cas’ knees a little weak, though there was still a hard look about his eyes that puzzled Cas.

“And what it is _you_ want Cas?’’ Dean asked, voice raw and rough.

And despite the still present harshness in his voice, there, just like so many times before, there was_ that_ something in Dean's eyes. Something very much like hope, longing and deep, abiding love. 

A wave of mingled excitement, sadness, regret and love washed over Cas' heart, and on impulse, this time he was the one reaching for Dean, pulling his head closer to bring their mouths together in another hungry, desperate kiss.

''You know what I want,'' He answered, breaking off their kiss to slide his lips down along the fluttering line of Dean’s neck, pulling Dean even closer in a sudden need to feel him warm and alive against him.

''Yeah. Yeah I know.'' Dean breathed with a shattering noise, hiding his face in the crook of Cas' shoulder, his arms closing tight over Cas' back as his hands cupped the back of Cas' head.

Things between them might not be fixed, not yet, but for the first time in months, without a shadow of a doubt, Cas felt the wounds between them begin to heal a little more with every press of lips, every hitch of their breaths.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry. Got pissed after watching last week's episode, but till today, simply didn't have time to go through it again and post it.


End file.
